How to tell if Love is Real or Phoney - When love dies - and what to do to kill the bastard

Love is never real when it doesn't mean respect, sharing and empathy.


Controllers don't love, they take and manipulate. If this is happening to you, it's likely you felt weak and needed someone 'strong' to help you. The only answer, if you feel like that, is to help yourself. Write lists for all you do, mark all your behavior, target ways to improve yourself and you will exit the tunnel of hell one day soon.

Meanwhile know that love is not about control nor about taking your power away. If you have a partner empowering you and your autonomy, without using too much control-freakery, you have a trustworthy friend who wants the best for you, or who wants you gone.

Either way - get strong because as you do - you become more attractive.

So get beautiful inside, get independent and healthy and find someone who wants to know you as a friend as well as a lover.

Guys who objectify and subvert good things - have childhood issues that only they can deal with. If they don't get help  - you can't rescue them. Rescue you before you try to help anyone else.

When the 'love' dies it can hurt as your emotions are hooked on a memory that repeats like a looping soundtrack.  You have to break the chain by doing THREE things each time you think of your ex:

1. Notice it's addiction and learn to not 'feed' or to respond to it

2.Never masturbate whilst thinking of anyone at this time, not a replacement/movie/rap star - no tossing dear. Not for a while.  Make a cake/do something practical (not art) instead. Get workaholic.

3. Know that to indulge in fantasy when thinking about her/him is reinforcing the hurt/fantasy and can only harm you.

Stopping the fantasy-food starts right now and must be continued for 3 months, after which time you will have a much better outlook on life and a better understanding of the bigger pictures.

 If he/she really loves you, they are still alive (hopefully) and you may be back with them at some point in future but - heed these words first in order not to mess up.

If you/him have a porn addiction or use sex too much - consider seeing a dietitian about using a bland diet for a while - low fruit, lots of veg, low sugar and fat - plenty of greens. Also clear out any parasite infections with worming procedures for humans - though Bob Martins may work for you if you are 'too much in love' (also see Sam Vaknin video's if your love is more important than anyone else's)

For me - the feeling is there is no hate, only death. It's a mourning thing that comes and goes, just a memory of what could have been and not what was.

For Porn addicts - Ray Gavrieli  is my sex god - watch him go - listen to every morsel