Remember the little note that you left for me? A little poem. It included that bit that you said 'it didn't happen, I made it up'. Did you? Why would you make something like that up Robert? Does Jamie deserve to be without his mummy because of something terrible that happened to you when you were a toddler of two? Do I deserve to be without my only son, who I always have adored, to appease some sick part of your psyche that cannot 'punish' your own mother? I am sorry I didn't love you in the way you wanted me to. I felt you had a lot of potential but were obviously a very disturbed person. You don't have to frighten people any more Robert. It's not powerful to scare people smaller than you, it's a massive weakness, not authentic power nor control. If you care for or love your son, let him be with his mum, who loves and understands him, and who can hug him with genuine affection and get him as happy and communicative
as he can be - not in some 'be like me, all strong and powerful' way. Jamie doesn't need to be 'strong and powerful' like you. He needs to be whoever he will become as soon as he masters communications. When Jamie is writing to his mum, freely and without a shadow standing over his every word, when he has the freedom to be who he wants to really be, things will be good. Meantime, just get help from wherever you can and remember, it wasn't your fault to start with. It was a moment of madness by your mum, who was distressed? Later, when you were teen, she threw you out in the street, at night, and you were stark naked. You had 'kicked her in the c*nt' and I agree, she probably deserved being kicked and you should not have been humiliated and terrified, without your only sense of identity as a 13yr old- a very tender age. She's IS a c*nt Robert. I'm not. You were just a baby boy who needed compassion. Let Jamie come to his mum please, and stop using people to fill in your emptiness and pain. 'Satan' is a hallucination from the LSD you took in the army, it's not real. That doctor in Warwick Road told you that. You need to understand how it works. I can help you with that if you contact me.
